My grandma was born on the eighth day of the zombie epidemic. Of course she was born at home. Hospitals weren't available in those days. Well, I guess they were available in the case that you wanted to go in as a human and come out as a monster.
Grandma's childhood was spent traveling with a survivor camp.
My great grandmother died trying to save grandma's older sister. The sister died too. That happened when Grandma was a few months old.
For awhile it was Grandma and her dad. Then he died in the war. Grandma was seven.
The other people in the camp took care of her.
For those who don't know….Well, I know a lot of people are bad with history….the war began in 2017. After lots of running and hiding and a little bit of killing; people decided to do less running and hiding and a lot more killing.
Armies were formed with the goal of killing as many zombies as possible. See the thing with zombies is they multiply. You see one zombie and decide to let it go. Why waste a bullet? Well, that one zombie can create hundreds of new zombies and those zombies can create more zombies. So if you kill one zombie, in effect you could be killing thousands of future zombies.
My great-grandpa joined the army. He wasn't successful with the whole staying alive bit. But on the bright side, the war did well.
According to a history website I visit a lot; the army knocked out 95% of the zombie population. Don't ask me how they come up with those figures. Did someone count the zombies before the war and then after? Did they send out a census to the undead?
Yeah. Whatever.
My grandma says by the time she was a teenager things went back to sort of normal. The thing is it wasn't exactly normal for her since her whole childhood was spent on the run. But her new life was like the life she had read about in books.
Technology took a few years to get back on track. I think she said she was in her early 20's when the internet returned. She was excited about that since she had read about it in books.
By that time my mom was around. Grandma had her when she was only seventeen. My grandpa was her adopted brother. Yeah. I know. Kind of gross. But they weren't technically related; not even in a legal sense. The adoption was never made official.
My grandma had to have one of those weddings where there's a bulge in the wedding dress. She was only seventeen. My grandpa was eighteen. You'd expect them to be divorced by now. Right?
Nope. They're still together.
What else?
Should I talk more about history or my life?
I'll talk about both obviously. But where should I go first?
Well, I guess I'll start with history.
The Neesa vaccine came out in 2051. I'm sure most of you get it every year. Like me. I've heard that some people are against it now and won't give it to their kids. They say it can greatly lower a child's IQ; and the whole zombie thing is in the past.
My grandma gets so mad when she hears this. First of all there's no scientific proof that the vaccine causes your IQ to lower. Second, the zombie thing is in the past mainly BECAUSE of the vaccine. Third even if it does lower you're IQ….isn't that better than being a zombie?
On the other hand, the vaccine isn't 100% effective. There was a story a few years ago about a girl who got bit. Since she had been vaccinated they didn't expect her to turn. But she did. She bit her mom and dad. They didn't turn into zombies. Their vaccines had done the job. Her older brother wasn't as lucky….well, because she didn't just bite him. She ate him.
It's rare to see a zombie these days. Although I guess it depends on where you live. I have an email-pal who claims to see them on a weekly basis. They have a hotline in her neighborhood. She has it plugged into her phone.
My email-pal claims one touched her once. I'm not sure if I believe her. I guess I should. She doesn't act like a liar. It's just that her stories are so outrageous. Or maybe it seems that way because my life is so boring in comparison.
I've seen only one zombie my whole life; and it was from very far away. It's not like I could smell it.
I heard they smell really bad.
As for my email pal….she said she took ten showers after it touched her. She couldn't sleep that night and was so sure she'd turn into a zombie. It was unlikely since she's vaccinated and the zombie only managed to lightly touch her before she ran. It was missing a foot and couldn't travel very fast.
